"I don't like the idea of anyone not liking me....I don't even like the idea of Alkida not liking me."

Well.

Here I am again...what a surprise. I have now had officially 5 people telling me they read my blog every day. Why don't I just feel loved. I swam for a hour today, sun bathed for 3, my face is freckle-ey and my shoulders sunburnt so bad I want to cry. But, I'm good :) I'm not quite bored yet, but I appreciate calls., some random people called me up that I haven't talked to for a long time, and I had good chats with everyone on the poolside. Okay. So as you can see I don't obviously have the most interesting things to say.

uh, erm, tomorrow I'm going to buy scrabble to play with my Grandma?



Fine. I'm bored. I won't deny it. At least not to the people who I know is reading this. I'm downright, son-of-a-gun bored. Not terribly bored, but I have to stay here for two more weeks, with just sun bathing for 3 hours every day? I better get a hell of a lot more beige then usual. I really don't honestly miss Chicago. I've had enough crap there. At least here I can be more truthful to myself. Sure, I put on a happy smile for everyone that I know, in Chicago. I try to help everyone out, I be the "sweet missionary kid" the one people think I'm great... I thrive on that. I've been building up my "loveliness" since I was 9.

I'm exactly the opposite of my parents, not necessarily more mature. But in some ways, yes. As of, my Mom. She likes everyone to think she is absolutely perfect on the outside. She suffers a mild depression. She thrives for people to think the best of her. Don't know what "spirit" that is. No matter if it is just the "longing to be accepted" spirit.

Me on the other hand, I don't really feel like I'm not accepted with a lot of people. I have random people come up to me a lot, and say "Hey, you know my niece, (or son, or friends kid, or whatever) and they always talk to me saying that you're their best friend!" And all I can think is "Who the crap are they talking about?" Haha, I was watching the office the other day, and I liked what character Pam said, "I don't like the idea of anyone not liking me... I don't even like the idea of Alkida not liking me." In some way, I sort of feel like that. I don't dwell on it. But I hate when people don't really like me that much. Like, one they act really friendly with other people, and they seem like really fun people to be friends with, but they look at me like I'm the "ultimate bitch of chi-town." And all I can think is, "How can they actually feel like that about me/What the crap did I do?" But, yet, I don't want to have friends that I'm shy with. Where I have to "tip-toe" around them. Okay! Done with the rant. I'll shut up now.
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