I have a blog?

So I almost completely forgot that I have a blog, but while I was at the furnace writing out a journal entry (which I rarely do) I had an urge to blog this out. Mostly for the remembrance of this month, since I find this month to start to play a big importance in my tiny life.


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Waiting can be so difficult.
This month I have taken the vow to remain faithful to God, meaning I will trust in what he says to me. He promised me this month -quite a long time ago- and I'm going to stand by the verse Matthew 21:18-22* (particularly the last verse) So.

Believing.
...can be one of the most difficult things. Especially for that things unseen, which reminds me of another verse "Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1)

Can I be filled with FAITH?! Can I be certain, God? Can I trust in YOUR word? The answer is "Of course I can, he's faithful. Isn't that exactly what he advertises all over his bible?"

The truth is, I have been hurt before, in a situation particularly similar to this this one. The difference of the last one is I practically lied to myself every day, being afraid to ask God questions knowing how he was going to answer. It took me TWO FREAKING YEARS of struggling with depression, struggling with friendships, struggling through my relationship with God,-struggling with guys even touching me- after I discovered painfully that something wasn't happening.

The difference with this situation is; I leaned on God through every second. He blessed me through my waiting. I HAVE found joy. I HAVE found confirmation. I HAVE found love.

Will I be hurt this month if nothing happens?

Indeed!

But will I be able to find peace at the end of my so-called finish line?

God help me trust, and to believe.

In the good news area of my life, The last three days I have gone through an extremely hyper/joyful/humorous mood, that seems to have no end. He has brought JOY in the waiting f'sho. Thank you Jesus. SO , I sit here and believe. And wait. And be sure of what I do not see. with FAITH. Just like Abraham.

*Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered.
When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?" they asked.
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."