3 month plan: Rehab?

Yesterday was the new start of a new me.

I made myself a new plan; I'm calling it the 3 month plan...Maybe I'll write some religious book in the future, and be the new Joyce Myers.

Ho-hum.

I have decided I'm not exactly proud of myself on a lot of different things, as are many people. So, I would say a 3 month plan, is almost a commitment to myself (hopefully) ending in a victory.

I was imagining all the wondrous things that needed to be changed about me...Sure, I might want to be a size 2, I might secretly want to have a cigarette-sexy voice, and yes, I might want to have a super hot guy fall in love with me.

Realistically, it all won't happen.

I could technically starve myself for 3 years, smoke 2 packs a day, and live the ultimate soap opera. But how realistic is that?

I literally sat down, and thought about it. I won't type out ever single thing I would love to change about myself, but there is some major ones I would absolutely love to be/have.

One: School. I'm in my junior year of high school, I started two weeks ago, and already I'm struggling. I've always really enjoying anything to do with literature, English, and history. But today I realized when I was doing an Algebra problem, how frustrated I got with it. I didn't understand it, and it bugged me. How great would it be if I could be great at school, rather than barely passing in every subject I'm not interested in?

Two: Social. That means: I have realized that everybody isn't the happy go-lucky person I expect them to be. In the last couple years, I've had GREAT friends wherever I went, and they always made me feel really loved, and always made me laugh. Well, unfortunately lots of my friends have moved away this fall...and I, seeking friends, started going other places...It's been hard adjusting? To a new 'brand' of friends. I would always think of others having to change how they were with friends. But now I realize that I'm the only one like me in this new group. Not necessarily a bad thing. But boy-oh-boy, am I out of the crowd. I guess what I'm saying is that I cant 'expect' people to be a friend like I am.

Three: Losing weight. I know, this is one thing that every girl obsesses over, but I'm sick of being unhealthy. Unfortunately, I'm one of the few people who actually have to worry about it. I'm 35-40 lbs overweight. In three months, If I REALLY work at it, hey, I could totally be rockin'.

Four: Really, really work on getting closer to God.
That means: Spending more time with him, fasting, praying, actually reading my bible, heck, even playing piano.

Five: My mad skills. That means: I just want to be really freakin' awesome at playing piano, and singing. How much more frank can I get? Since being semi-involved at the furnace, I've realized that I probably am not as good as I thought as I was. I guess I want to be good as I thought as I was. It's going to be a long ladder, my friend.

So. Three months. Margie is going to be here. Friends are coming back for Winter break. It's going to be my sweet 16th, and hopefully, this won't go all down the drain.

I guess the real reason for me writing this, and showing the world, is that I hope and pray that I'll be able to call this a victory. Yeah, a freaking big one. If I'm actually able to accomplish all 5 things, It should have it's own episode debut on that old TV show It's a miracle... And you know it too!

cleverness.

It's saturday, once again, and i'm realizing how fast my life is rushing by.

I have had SO MUCH happen in the last 9 months, it's astounding. But It doesn't even seem like it has been that long. I'm seriously taking one day at a time. (I know, how quote-ish) My days go by super fast, and when I hit that pillow at night, I think "Didn't I just do this a couple minutes ago?" I'm super happy about lots of things that have been happening to me. Yes, there has been some very crappy parts, but hey, they're over now. I'm happy with myself right now. (Haven't felt that way in a long time) I'm happy with my friends, i'm happy with lots of the decisions, (trust me, i'm surprised that I make decisions too) and well, just plain happy!!! lol

Thought I should mention, I was the prayer furnace yesterday, and it was my turn to do a hour long worship set, so I got up there, and all of the sudden, I realized my voice completley failed on me, and so I was sitting up there just playing piano, and I had 55 minutes left of set. What do you do then? I decided to invited all whoppin 4 people in the room to come up and read whatever bible scripture was on their heart.
Well, I had one after the other of people come up...it turned out to be this really great prayer set. It morphed into prayer for the bride. This one guy came up (who I haven't even seen before at the furnace) and he prayed out of genesis 1!

I never would of thought genesis 1 to be such a powerful prayer...lol It was great.

Aaaah. Such a good time. :) :)

terrifically lovely

I'm finally alone at my house, and I just hugged Anthony goodbye, before my parents come home, and I realized that I haven't written a blog for a really gilly long time.

I guess i'll start out with what's happening lately.

I spent the weekend with Matt and Jess and Cami in Indiana, and I had an amazing time, Cami and Jessica cut my hair a little bit shorter, and me and Cami went outside determined to find apples for an apple pie, which we actually did. :)

This school year is going to be really hard for me, not because of the actual school (if that isn't hard enough) but I would say 3/4 of my friends moved away to college this year.

Everyone from Mather High School, everyone from Saint. Scholastica, Gone. I don't think i've felt this lonely for like 2 years...I think the hardest one is Adam being gone. *

So, now i'm officially back to normal. I think. One of my really close friends told me that I seemed really sad, and that I wasn't even talking, while I was with my usual group of friends. I guess I didn't realize that. I guess I was kind of lost in my own world for a couple of weeks, and i guess I was wallowing in my own tears. lol

So, i'm sorry friends, for not being the most enjoyable person to be around in the last two weeks, please forgive me. :)



* Yes, he was the guy I was talking about. I only was really friends with him since June, and then we we actually "together" since July. 2 months....ah. My first real relationship. Haha. It doesn't seem real...I had a really good time with him,. We knew that we would only be able to date for two months, so it didn't seem like that big of a loss, but I don't think i'll ever do that again. lol.

Jean Shopping: Old Navy.

I bit my lip and decided to go ahead and start shopping for jeans. I decided to NOT go to old navy, and see if there is any other place that has jeans that look slightly okay on me. (Since my last pair from Old Navy sort of ripped in half after a day on-the-go, I thought I should take a step up.) So, I Searched far and wide across Chicago-land.

First, Marshall's. Second, T.J Maxx. Third, Kohl's.......

Everything was either way too expensive, or just looked like CRAP. I finally gave up, and dragged myself into an Old Navy. I stood in front of the rows and rows of jeans, -looking like an idiot- and finally picked carefully out of the dozens of styles; Diva, Sweetheart, Flirt, Goddess, or Dreamer. (Who comes up with these names?!) I skillfully balanced myself on my flip-flops, and started skimming the sizes. Which, by the way, raises another issue, WHY THE HECK do they make bigger sizes (I'll admit it, I'm one of those bigger sizes) all the way to the floor!? Do the staff members love to see the fellow-fat-people teetering on their tiptoes? Do they like to see us grunt and moan trying to find our exact size (short, medium or tall) and then finally discovering it, pulling it out as a victory, only to find that we completely wrecked the neat stack of jeans? WHY OH WHY does every store do that?

Whew. I'm done. *ahem* So, what I was saying, I skillfully balanced myself on the concrete floor, reaching down to the lowest of lows, and find.....*drum roll please* An amazing pair of jeans.

Success!

Remind me to always come back to Old Navy. Even though I think it's crap all other times, I giggle to myself now that I always find what I'm looking for every time I go in there.

Yay Old Navy!

to read or not to read

I have found these last couple of days to be horrible; I have literally been so annoyed at myself for so many reasons beyond words. I have discovered too many things about my self, and almost to the extent of wanting to change every single aspect of myself, and every single little thing that bothers me, (and I'm sure bothers other people too) I have discovered almost a mystery about myself.

It always turns out to be a terrible thing when these things happen, almost eerie. "How did I not know that about myself?" "How did I not notice that there was a major issue in that place of my heart?" I always only seem to notice these things when I talk.

Of course it all come down to my blabber-mouth tendencies. I see that I say things that I don't even realize fell out of my mouth*. I find that I try too hard. My personality is getting berserk because of it. I have noticed clearly with various friendships, It's lacking something more.

Also, another thing that I find really quite frustrating is the fact that I don't have anything interesting about myself. I really don't do anything in particular that wants people to be friends with me. Nothing interesting, not an amazing personality that everyone is intensely attracted to. My group of friends that are not christians tend to be more open, and accept me for my quirky self, I adore that. Why can't everyone be like that?

I discovered though at my church is that people are more closed. Everyone has their own little group, it really is an acceptance issue. It's such a small church, I grew up with practically everyone, but I also feel kind of awkward there. I don't have any real friends there. I have REAL friends there, but i'm not close to them as I wish I could be. (Especially as my church family, frankly,I feel extremely left out) It's almost like I just sit in a chair and hope that someone comes and talks to me.**

Okay, so sorry for the 'downer post' guys, i'm surprised if you actually read this much since it's such a self-absorbed blog post. I'll have to write in later since it is getting so late, and i'll definitely be able to write more by tomorrow (or sunday) I hate where I am, and if you think about me this week or today, please pray for me. This time I really need it. I don't really feel how I want to feel, and it's not good where I am...



*Almost like drool when your sleeping on a plane, you wake up, and you realize you have that drool coming down your chin, on to your chest. It's just about the most embarrassing thing.
**Johnnie- (Since you're the only one who reads my blog, at least I think you do) I'm not necessarily talking about you in general, it's mostly me and my extreme wild imagination taking a hold of me. :)

gah

I know, I know. I haven't posted for a WHOLE WEEK...
So, from now on, I start again. :)

Babysitting.

I am rarely in a bad mood, I don't lose my patience, and I keep my cool, if I tell you I'm in a bad mood, (it's extremely rare) stay far away. It's a warning signal like the rattle of a rattlesnake...Okay, fine, it's not that bad. But I think you get the idea.

Yesterday, I was babysitting, for 12 hours, It's a usual babysitting job, and I honestly don't mind doing it. Okay, I won't get all crazy teenage-babysitter on you, but basically, the baby was supposed to fall asleep around 7:30, and didn't fall asleep till 11:30. Those four hours consisted of me walking around the house trying EVERY SINGLE THING to make her go to asleep, or at least stop crying. The Mom didn't even know what to do,. It sucked.

Okay.
I'm done. :)

Cooking up a storm.

Okay, so in reality, my Mom, cannot cook.

Sure, she can cook meatloaf, and spaghetti. But, I think that's about it. I honestly don't know how she has lived.

I am officially in love with allrecipes.com. I made a personal pact with myself that if I was home I would try to cook myself every meal. Well, i've been having LOADS of fun with it, I've even been making my parents dinner every night*, since when I come home, and all I see them eating is takeout, (or popcorn,) while watching netflix movies, or Lost on their laptops.

Well, since now I feel like such a 50's housewife (or daughter, lol) I have *ahem* discovered when I attempted to make things like Pizza, or anything breaded, turned into major FAIL moments.

SO, also new pact. Learn how to make home-made pizza, or lol anything breaded, it turns out to be successful! :)



**Just a side note, last night I made stuffed zucchini, AMAZING rice, (if I say so myself) salad, and strawberry lemonade :) Yummers.
Tonight, I have lemon garlic chicken with potato's in the crock pot right now. I got to figure out my side dish still...Here I come allrecipes!

conversations.

Aren't conversations the best?

Face it.

You only asked that person what kind of music they liked so that you could tell them what kind of music you liked.

Don't lie.

You only asked how that person's day was so that you could tell them how your day was.

And it always kind of quirks you off when they don't ask you back...



So, personal new mission. I am totally, absolutely, going to ask that-whichever person what kind of music they like, even when I don't want to hear what it is.
:)

quick post

I know. I told myself I really would be writing on here a lot more. But of course, I keep on forgetting.


I'm getting a little messed up in life. Things keep on happening to me, that are just right out of a movie it seems.

I used to get so annoyed with people not trusting other people, but yet I find myself not wanting to tell anybody anything. I think it's mostly because i'm embarassed. Not because I don't trust you guys, it's just that I can't stand thinking that anybody will take advantage of me again. Is that not trusting?

Crap. It totally is.

I need to make a phone call.

Help me out.

So, I was pondering this.

I was kind of annoyed with the fact that we weren't getting cricket wireless,. But, since I have to deal with it, I'm going along with me getting a new phone along with a new 2-year contract with T-Mobile.

In about 4 months (on my birthday) we get to start up a new contract...Which means, new phone! Whoop dee doo...So, I get on the Internet right away, and start looking into things...where I found two phones, that I would love to have. It's the samsung behold (the brown) , and the samsung highlight. (the top two, in blue)

For around $80 each, I can get one of 'em. It's just a matter of when I can get them, and if I can really get them.

So, help me pick, I know you probably don't know that much about either of them, but, let's put it into the the judging-the-phone-by-it's-cover method.

Which one should I choose?

Sonlight-Core 300

August 24th.


August 24th.


August 24th...

That day, is constantly rushing towards me like a tornado, and I don't know what to do about it. On August 24th, I start school.


I think this is the first time I actually have a date to put in my calendar, where I can label it as "First School Day".

Quite frankly, it scares me to death. The first couple of days within getting the books, I was too busy with them to actually think about it.

Since i'm practically my own teacher (have been since 7th grade) that big-blue-death-binder (as I fondly call it) is death row. Can I hang myself now?

2300 pages, of NOTES. Don't go on thinking that homeschooling is all "lets-sit-on-the-couch-in-my-pajamas-all-day-long" kind of deal. It's intense.

I sat for 3 days, at my dining room table, I figured out which books I was reading each week, I switched ALL the notes from the back to the appropiate week tab in the binder. I took all the old books out of the book-shelf, and put them in a box, and then I organized my books to which order I was reading them in, and put them in the empty, (can I add clean?) book-shelf.

I'm thinking i'm getting a little bit German here...lol. I know my Mom won't do it, so I do it. And golly, I enjoy it :)

Even though I still have 9 more weeks of notes to transfer, I have to say, (as I am in the beginning of ALL school years,) i'm freaking excited!

If you want, look at this link, (it shows what i'm doing this year)

I am really excited about the books i'm reading this year. I'm reading things like Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis all the way to The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald...The one thing I think i'm not too excited about is the Chemistry part. I think this is one of those things that just creeps me out, and puts me into the "I'm too stupid to do this" mode.

I still have to figure out my schedule for wake-up times, because now i'm starting to do worship sets at my church on thursdays and fridays at 12 pm and 1 pm...So, new schedule looks like:

Mon-Wed: I get to wake-up at 7:30 am.
Thu-Fri: 5-5:30 am.

Ta-da! I got it down. Haha.

spiffy lookin' blog.

Yep.

I just *ahem* designed a new blog... (with the help of google of course!)

Tell me what you think about it!

Booo sucky nights.

Yesterday, was fun.

For the most part...

I got to the furnace around 11:45, and did the set (think worship team, worship hour, la dee da) with Susan, which was okay.

I'm really excited about prophetic singing lately. Sure, I suck, but at least I'm not a scared chicken about everything now. I mean, I keep on looking on how much I have gotten more confident in the last three weeks, compared to the last year 1/2....BIG DIFFERENCE...Susan (worship director, and also prayer leader on this) asked me to go on the piano afterwards and do a song since we had extra time, so I go up, and of course all the sudden, I get worship A.D.D, for all the other singers/musicians out there, do you ever go up there, and forget how that one part of the song went? Well, you get the point.

The rest of the day, before the bridegroom watch, I pretty much walked around brain-dead, ate, talked to people, talked on the phone. My friend had a pregnancy scare, my other friend had a cheating boyfriend scare. Ahhh, Teenage girls.

Well, since I've been on 2-3 sets a week with prophetic singing, I get a little more edgy in what I think....of course I get all crazy, ACTUALLY THINKING I'M GOOD...I told my parents that I'm really enjoying spontaneous singing, and how i'm getting better at it.

Okay, after bridegroom watch, Alicia says "Evie, come and sing with me on the compassion set." At that moment, I was not feeling good whatsoever, I really felt like I was going to puke, but I went up there thinking I could do it anyways. Alicia was prayer leading, and asking me to sing spontaneously after everything she prayed.

Well, since I was so self conscious about my, I don't know, I-feel-like-i'm-about-to-puke stage, I couldn't concentrate. I wasn't in a good spot. My headphones kept on going in and out, I couldn't hear anything, and, well, it wasn't good.

I think I sang two extremely random things that didn't have anything to do with what she was praying, and it was off-key, and I couldn't go along with what her husband was playing on the guitar. My parents were in the seats, hearing me really for the first time. I was uber-beyond-uber embarrassed. (And even now, I don't know why I was so embarrassed, lol)

I gave my apologies to Alicia, and went to go sit down. I told my parents I wanted to go home. They told me to wait outside, and that they would be out in a second.

I went outside. And waited by our car.

Okay, well, I don't cry often, and I don't get angry often. I'm a pretty happy person in general.

At that moment, I just got plain ol' upset. I cried, I didn't puke, but I felt like I wanted to. I waited outside for 25 minutes.
I didn't want to go inside and tell them to-get-their-butt's-out-here-right-now, because I was still embarrassed.

I talked on the phone to Margie, and Adam called me in the middle of it. Thank God. I think Adam and Margie are just about the most perfect people to talk to when anybody is upset. God knows how many times we have helped each other through teenage-drama.

Yeah, so I was angry my parents left me out there for such a long time. I'm not a psychopathic daughter who yells at her parents constantly.
I know my parents won't stand for that, but I don't like people treat me like crap when i'm sick. I deal with it enough, and I definitely don't want to deal with it then.

Okay. The official Evie-rant is over. Thanks for reading.

I'm back!

Watch this youtube video, it's awesome! All the 2008 top hits, mashed together, (the beginning is a little slow, but i love it :) )

Just wanted to let ya know. I'm back on blogger! I know, it's been awhile, I really keep on telling myself to get back on it, but never happened.

Let's hope I can get to it 5 days a week. (new goal) I've been really been really busy. And, WILL be really busy. And I really want to talk about things that have been happening.

:)